Anniversary approaching

The first anniversary of my Mom’s death will be Sunday, December 23rd, 2012.  We will celebrate Christmas with our family on Sunday.  Momma will be remembered in so many ways. I plan to cook macaroni and cheese. I just wish I could make it like she did, it just never tastes the same.

The last year of her life was difficult at times. Sometimes you found yourself laughing rather than crying. Eventually you found a way to make peace with your new normal.

The last few days of her life were quiet – you knew death was there just didn’t know the minute.  I remember feeling like you could almost see it in the corner, you knew there would be no last minute recovery this time. I just didn’t want her to be in pain or afraid before she died. She died peacefully.

We have made it through all of the firsts starting with last Christmas. I did not realize that I had spent my last Christmas with my Mother in 2010. Easter weekend which also would have been her 95th birthday was spent with our family in our other home that we own in a small town. A change of venue was for me a positive thing-new traditions.

One of the things that surprised me was how funny it feels to just get into the car and go-just too easy. Too many years of making arrangements for someone to check on her or stay with her was a habit that was hard to break.

Life continues and you must move forward, she would not have wanted it any other way. It might be childish, but I like to think of her making dinner in heaven for my Dad with big old dog Dingo waiting by the table for the scraps she would always feed him. That image makes me smile.


About TheClothesAreInTheStove

I am a wife, mother, grandmother, and daughter. My husband has retired and I work part-time at an outside job and until 12/23/11 worked full-time as my Mother's caregiver. I started this blog as a way to cope with my Mother's illness, dementia and death. I have always had to urge to write down every significant event in my life. Over the years I have jotted down notes on calendars, in journals, on little sheets of paper and now this blog. I am so afraid that if I don't write it down I will forget and it will be lost forever. My Mother's decline is so important and so painful but it happened and it can't be forgotten. Hopefully it will help someone else deal a little bit better - it helps to know that what you are feeling is ok and that what you feel is not unique. Others have different experiences but this is my experience.
This entry was posted in caregiver, Death, Dementia, Elder Care, Family, Grief, Illness and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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