My Mother is entering the last and to me the scariest part of her illness – the end. Nothing much between her and the other side except a stubborn determined spirit that will not let her give up. But her body is fragile and about all of her fight is gone. Most of the day she spends in sleep. Saturday night she spent most of her night praying to be able to walk again, Sunday and Monday nights were “Lord help me” over and over again. Now a soft voice will sometimes say Lord help me but that’s about it. She seems to be operating on instinct now. If she is in pain, she cries out. Once she asked for a bit of water but it has been days since she really ate anything. For all of us who know and love her, we are happy that one of the last things she enjoyed was a chocolate marshmallow Santa. My Mother loves chocolate marshmallow Santas, rabbits, hearts, anything marshmallow covered in chocolate. She had a serious addiction and we would stock up because she liked them even better when they started to get tough. After Easter I bought 10 boxes and the lady at the cash register looked at me a bit crazy when I said they were for my Mother, a chocolate bunny addict.
Her confusion has not been as evident because she is so quiet. The last time I heard her call either one of us by name was Tuesday morning. He took her out onto the front porch so she could sit in the sun – I’m glad I didn’t realize it would probably be for the last time. In a cruel joke, today is sunny and warm – just her kind of day. She would sit out there for hours on end, napping and watching the traffic go by. We would fasten Pup Pup’s leash to the porch and she would “watch” him. It seemed to help her stay awake when she had a job to do.
So we watch and keep vigil by her side. I am terrified as to what the next day(s) will bring.